Jealous
by LilacDreams
Summary: Ron harbours feelings for Hermione but someone else has stolen her heart already. A lasting love only to be hidden in the shadows. What really goes on in Ron's mind?


Author's Notes: Another attempt at a songfic! Not sure if this is good (but I sincerely prefer the other one wrote about Harry x Draco) I wrote this based on a Ron x Hermione and the "him" is Harry. If you don't like the pairing, just change it yourself (in your own mind) since I didn't write the names down. All I ask is for reviews on my work! )

Words in italics are song lyircs. The lyrics are taken from Dir En Grey songs, "Akuro no Oka" and "Jealous". Enjoy!

**Jealous**

_My wounded heart will fade away_  
  
I don't know what's wrong. I should be sad that you left. I should be. I mean, I am, but I thought it would be more than this.  
  
Perhaps I still believe. Believe that you still love me. That you will realize this and come back, someday...  
  
_The love is destroying you, in full bloom with the flowers_  
  
But then again, I'm terribly depressed. I feel so empty. As the last of your scent lingered after that last fight we had. That last fight, over Him.  
  
_Jealous_

Yes, I was jealous. Jealous of the fact that as soon as he came, I was  
forgotten.  
  
You'd come to our dorm not to see me, but to see him.  
  
I even saw you two sometime before that night. I saw it coming.  
  
And I was powerless to stop it.  
  
_Since that day I didn't know what to say to him_  
  
I wasn't too surprised when I returned, seeing the both of you being intimate by the fireplace.  
  
I didn't do anything, I already lost.  
  
So I slept on the couch that night and woke up early to visit the Forbidden Forest.  
  
I hate being there.  
  
But I hate him more.  
  
Going there didn't take you away or make you care more about me. Instead, he did. He took you away.  
  
_My heart lost in my body will someday leave me_  
  
Wasn't I ever good enough? Didn't I make you feel loved? Did you  
ever really love me back? Did I ever do anything wrong?  
  
Sure, I may be a bit lazy.  
  
Sure, I may not be as smart as you.  
  
Sure, I may talk about Quidditch constantly.  
  
But, I was there for you, even if you weren't there for me.  
  
_Your form is changing, far away but all too close_  
  
Now, even his name is like a symbol to me.  
  
A change in the winds that drags in a storm. The lightning of this storm is seeing you two kiss during breaks between lessons. The thunder is when I wake up because you and him are togther in the Common Room, snuggling up closely together. The rain is the fact that the other two have gotten together, and they do many of the things we used to.  
  
I see us in them.  
  
And I fear that maybe they will fall to the same fate.  
  
_I can't forget the 'you' that I loved_  
  
I lost you, because he took you.  
  
He took my love, my life, my sanity...  
  
_Should I wear a mask, so I can hide my face drawn with tension when I'm with him?_  
  
Sometimes, you'll come in and look at me.  
  
No, I was never asleep during these times, though you thought I was.  
You'd look at me with a look, almost that of longing.  
  
Could you really be sad? Could you really...  
_  
The love is destroying you  
_

And sometimes, when you and he are asleep, I'll come into the room,  
and carress your cheek like I used to. You whimper out just like you  
used to.  
  
Does he know how weak you are on the inside? Or are you afraid to  
tell him?  
  
I know how delicate you are...  
  
_I'll bloom as the poison flower_  
  
Do you realize that I never stopped loving you?  
  
_And become the flower that blooms again_  
  
No, you don't.  
  
And now, you've even stopped doing all the things we used to do even  
before we got together.  
  
Our friendship is dying...  
  
My eyes, they reflect a sadness they never did before. It's...  
beautiful. But... I feel the need to tear them out and to drown  
my body in the ocean as my eyes have drowned in tears.  
  
_Then I will come back blooming again_  
  
And perhaps I'll be reborn, and we'll meet again.  
  
And this time, I'll kill him before he has a chance to steal you  
away.  
  
_The past may not return but in my rebirth I'll search for you  
_  
And now, I realize why I'm not as sad.  
  
You didn't break my heart, you kept it. You stole it.  
  
And you hold it in a place that it won't be nurtured.

_Now I can't love anyone  
  
I won't be able to laugh like before_  
  
Everyone expects me to do certain things, laugh and smile at  
certain times..  
  
So I will... but it is all a facade.  
  
_The heart and ideals melt into the darkness_  
  
And I pretend to get along with him...  
  
Even though those few nights you don't come over, I'll come in and  
put my fingers around his neck as he sleeps, hoping to break it.  
  
And now it's been a year since you've gone from my company and into his.  
  
And I can still feel how it felt to have your arms around me, to  
have your lips on mine, to have your hands float across my body...  
  
_Never again to reach you_  
  
You've changed, greatly, but underneath all that change is still  
you. Yet... I still love you, forever.

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End file.
